Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
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