if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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