Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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