covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
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we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
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I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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