You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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