I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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