My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
