just come out here and I will go home with you...
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
