I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.