OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
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UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
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I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.