I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.