it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
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all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
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Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...