Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg