his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize