There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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