I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
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I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
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Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Just puked most of my soul out..
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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