So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
