Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
