i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
