Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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