Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
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