I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
We need to rekindle our bromance
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
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I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
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Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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