Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
