Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
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I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
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Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize