Even the bartender felt bad for me
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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