Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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