Pants 0. Shit 1.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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