It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize