I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
