Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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