i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
