so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
