i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
someone owes me an orgasm
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Randomize
