Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
