I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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