I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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