I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
