Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
