God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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