have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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