Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
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every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
So squirting runs in the family.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
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You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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