Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
someone owes me an orgasm
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
