Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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