he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
OPIZZABONMYDICK
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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