Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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