I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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