So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize