? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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