Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize