why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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