She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
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well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I intend to get homeless drunk
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
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I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.