ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
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When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
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At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere