I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
New York to be Host to Americaâ€™s Biggest Singles Event
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Kylie Jenner Wasnâ€™t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...