guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
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he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
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Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.