You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
