your thong is hanging out like whoa
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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