I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
