Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.